not-OOM: With Natasha in Milliways, post-cells

[hasthehighground]

Clint hasn't been hanging out in the cells today, beyond a brief pit-stop in the morning to say hi. He knows she gets let out and, frankly, probably doesn't want him there while she talks to Security about what she promises her best behavior going forth.

He wouldn't want her there, at least. She might laugh at him.

Instead, he has the table closest to the exit from the hallways to the Security office, with a book he's reading and headphones he's not actually listening to. He's just not really interested in talking to anyone other than Nat.

And a pair of purple headphones won't dissuade her.

Comments

[redintheledger]

Probably the least said of any promises the better, really.

When Natasha walks out of the cells, she has a bag of her things (his care package and the books had Moist lent her). Her yellow jacket is slung over an arm, and she looks...

Tired.

(The lankness of her hair isn't helping, no matter that she has it braided.)

She scans the room, notices him and smiles, and keeps scanning until she's done a circuit. No sign of James, which she's not sure if she could be concerned or not about. Well. Fuck him.

Resolutely shoving the question of the Magically Disappearing Ex out of her immediate concern, she walks over to Clint's table.

"Hey."

[hasthehighground]

It turns out he doesn't need interrupting. His subconscious is keenly tuned to her presence and while he's not exactly sure when he noticed her arrival, by the time she walks over he's already tucked the book away.

"Hey, pretty lady," he says lightly, pulling his headphones down as he stands up. He glances at all she's carrying.

"You want to go get your stuff sorted? I can grab lunch." He pulls the key to their room out of his jeans' pocket.

[redintheledger]

"That," she says with a quick smile, "sounds fantastic. I need a quick shower, too." It's amazing how much more human she feels after one of those.

Her fingers brush his as she takes the keys from him, and lingers a moment. She won't do anything more, not here in public, but...

She's missed him. And having him there, but unable to touch him, had made that worse.

"So," she clears her throat. "See you up there."

[hasthehighground]

Her hand draws away, but he catches it again, and squeezes it lightly, smiling at her.

"Couldn't keep me away."

Clint drops her hand, and moves towards the Bar.

[redintheledger]

Natasha's smile is almost startled, but it's deeply pleased. She wants to call him back - forget lunch, just come upstairs right now - swallows it. Shower first. A proper shower in a room that she doesn't have to ask an AI to dim the walls.

"I'll hold you to that," she calls after him, and then turns to walk up the stairs.

Her shower is quick, and not nearly as thorough as she'd like. She needs to wash her hair, but it's too long for her to do that deeply, so instead she just pins it up and concentrates on washing the grime and stress away from her skin.

She pulls on fresh clothes (requested from Baby before she walked out) and walks out of the bathroom drying the ends of her hair with her towel.

"I hope you weren't too bored," Natasha says, once she sees him.

[hasthehighground]

"Oh," Clint says, leaning back in his chair to grin at her. There's a plate of sandwiches in the middle of the table, with potato chips and a bowl of carrots, and some lemonade. "You know, keeping myself busy. Jasper gave me some stuff to look over."

The new security reports for the Helicarrier. Technically, Clint's not supposed to be in on this -- no one person handles all the security of any of SHIELD's more important institutions, even if Clint laid out suggestions for the security committee and some of the new renovations. But Sitwell had had his concerns, and Clint was glad he'd been clued in. He's already thought of three ways to crack it.

None of them would have a great chance of working, of course. But they'd have a chance.

[redintheledger]

Lemonade!

Clint knows the way to her heart.

On the way to her chair, Natasha pauses behind his chair and hugs his shoulders, resting her cheek on his hair. The fact that she had to go around the table to do this is something that she's just ignoring.

"What, the winds here aren't interesting?" she teases, finally moving to her chair.

(She steals a potato chip as she goes. Because she can.)

[hasthehighground]

Clint leans into the hug. "Tash," he says, sincere pulled tight around him. "It's cold outside."

"And basically a more boring Scotland, so, yeah. Not enough geographical variation or buildings to make anything too interesting. The area around the beach gets a little more complicated, but the updraft from the heat doesn't spread past its borders."

[redintheledger]

"Shame," she says, swiping some lemonade. "I've heard the roof is quite popular. And you'd think that somewhere at the End of the Universe would be more idiosyncratic."

[hasthehighground]

Clint shrugs. "It's...roofy. Surprisingly low."

He reaches across the table to brush his fingers over the back of her hand closest to him.

"I missed you."

[redintheledger]

Natasha turns her hand over to tangle her fingers with his.

"I missed you, too," she says, quietly. I always miss you.

She glances at the table, then their hands, then back at him.

"How hungry are you?"

[hasthehighground]

Clint stands, walking around the small table to her side.

He leans against the table, moving her glass of lemonade out of the way with his left hand as he cups his right against her face.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, suddenly aware he hasn't spoken. He can't even remember the question.

[redintheledger]

She leans into his hand as he cups her face, reaching up to hold his hand there. She's missed him, she's missed him, she loves him.

Can I kiss you? he asks, almost if she hadn't been heading that way herself.

Natasha doesn't mind.

She just says, "Yes," and if his voice had been a little rough, hers is matching. "I'd like that."

[hasthehighground]

He didn't know. They've been on display the past six days. James, or whoever, spent most of the time giving them as much privacy as he could, but still. She'd been open longer, under watch.

And here he is, still watching her. He breaks his gaze to nod, left hand dropping to her elbow to support her. It's not particularly careful, and not particularly gentle despite how light his hands rest.

He missed her.

[redintheledger]

She kisses him back, pushing herself to her feet as she does so, keeping a hold of him as she moves because if there's one thing she wants, it's to never let him go.

Another day, after a mission of a week without privacy, she'd be more likely to want to keep more to herself. Relax. Put on something stupid on her TV and rest her feet on his lap until she settled enough for conversation. But not after missions where she got shaken. This wasn't a mission, but her ex - Winter - turning up, angry and threatening, and her trying to kill him to protect herself and everyone she loves?

She's shaken.

And they need to talk, but as she kisses him, Natasha decides firmly that conversation can wait.

--

Later, once their clothes are back on and they are lying on the bed, Natasha moves her head from where she'd been resting it on his chest. Slowly, she pulls herself up, sitting back on her feet.

"We should talk," she says, once he's looking at her.

[hasthehighground]

He straightens, elbow going back to rest against the headboard as he turns himself towards her.

"Yeah," Clint says, not quite wry. There's a lot, even if that 'a lot' is just James/Alex and whatever his deal is. "What is it?"

[redintheledger]

"Do you want the list alphabetically?" she asks, making a slight face at him as she tucks her hair behind an ear. "...Okay, no, as tempting as that'd be."

Order of importance.

"My cover's fucked. There's another world like ours. An alternate one. People from there, they know who I am. Natasha. Black Widow. They know it because of their version, I just put things together for them when I," she holds her hand up and twists her wrist, as if she were actually wearing her gauntlets, "in the bar.

Al-James knows I'm SHIELD. Same with Fury, but that Fury's call. Coulson, James isn't stupid. But whenever you came up, I let him think you're a civilian."

[hasthehighground]

Clint hesitates.

"Like X-23's world?"

[redintheledger]

"...not that she's explicitly told me, but I'll say yes." She suspects X was trying not to startle her. "And Molly Hayes, and another girl - teenager, red hair. She reminds me a little of the modern Red Room, but I'm not sure."

Natasha rubs her mouth and looks at him.

"Do you know what your...other self is?"

[hasthehighground]

Clint shrugs a shoulder. "No one's mentioned him. Joining SHIELD was kind of a narrow call, though - if I'd -" he breathes a quiet laugh. "How about, in our universe I didn't drag Bobbi back into something military adjacent right after the Rangers retired me. Most people around here think I'm a security consultant, anyway - plenty of private firms."

Pause. "Anyone mentions something, they just know a different Clint Barton, who was a little more self-centered in his twenties."

[redintheledger]

She smiles, a little.

"Gotcha. We should let the boss and Coulson know. But I meant what I said in the cells. I can burn myself, keep it off you."

It's not as if she hadn't been trying to keep him safe, after all. Then she makes a small, frustrated sound.

"Brings me to Item Number Two.





James is the Winter Soldier."

[hasthehighground]

That's -- not what Clint meant. He doesn't care if he's safe (much to the chagrin of some of his co-workers), he cares if he has a secure vantage. The important thing is that the target never knows the sniper was even there.

But Nat keeps talking before he can protest, and maybe that's for the best. Nat doesn't like being protected any more than he does.

Clint stares at her. "Same group as you?"

[redintheledger]

"Or an alternate universe so close it makes no functional difference. So...

Yeah.

That's why I tried to kill my ex."

[hasthehighground]

"Well," Clint says. "He started it. By playground logic, that pretty much gives you the moral high ground."

His mouth twitches, then he clears his throat. "The Winter Soldier."

[redintheledger]

"Hah," she says, quickly grinning at him. "Thanks, you make me sound about five."

Not that she....hadn't gone down the 'you started it' line herself, certainly not.

"The Winter Soldier," she repeats, wryly. "You doubt me?"

[hasthehighground]

"I'm not going to start doubting you now," he says, tapping his finger against her knee. "The legend, on the other hand..."

The criminal underworld is full of gossips. He smiles.

"Hawkeye never misses, and the Winter Soldier never gets thrown in prison."

[redintheledger]

"And the Black Widow can look like anyone."

Natasha smiles.

"That's the trouble with legends, I guess. You finally meet us and no, actually, we do all need to sleep and do the groceries."

[hasthehighground]

"Hey now," Clint says, with a huffed laugh, "I didn't mean I'm a legend, not like you guys. I meant you're going to have to tell me what's bullshit."

[redintheledger]

"Well. He exists and he's human, for one thing."

Fine, Clint. See through her vague attempts at procrastination.

"I'd say he's very nearly as good as rumour as it. Within human reason." Beat. "Doesn't have your aim, and they fucked with his head even more than they did mine, which can't improve performance levels. He says he's a free agent now, but I don't know what the means."





So, she's still stalling, a bit. But at least this time, her answer is more useful.

[hasthehighground]

It's not bragging to say that someone not having Clint's aim doesn't, exactly, mean much.

But he just nods an acknowledgement.

"You're waiting until you know what it means," he says. "Okay. Anything else you want me to know?"

[redintheledger]

"We have a truce," she says finally. "He hurts you, I hurt his people. Of which at least two are here, so I'd have access..."

She smiles, not really amused.

"Apparently Hydra is still a viable threat. But I have no intel on that. Yet. So, if you could keep your eyes, but on the downlow? That'd be good."

[hasthehighground]

He doesn't blink at the truce. He knows Natasha is ruthless; he also knows a promise ensured by a threat is safer.

HYDRA does get a blink. "Back in '96 -- no, '97. Ran into a group using the HYDRA name, out in Slovakia. It went deeper than just a recruitment strategy, they had ideological connections, but the trail went cold after we cleared them out. Might not be connected to what you're looking at, but the agent in charge was a Stefan ... Pekar, I think."

[redintheledger]

"It's more than I had before. I look him up, when I get chance."

Natasha breathes.










"I left him there," she says abruptly. "Alex. James. When I got out. I left him there. And then I couldn't find him. I gave up in the mid-nineties. Then Odessa he shoots me, and he can't even remember-"

[hasthehighground]

"Natasha," Clint says, rough, the emotion in her voice catching at his heart like something jagged.

He doesn't know what to say. Natasha knows you can't always choose your exits, knows she's not to blame for what they did, for what Alex did because of them.

He extends a hand to her, helpless. He can't fix it.

[redintheledger]

Guilt is not something Natasha feels very often. Responsibility for her actions, yes. A knowledge that she owes the damn universe and will never make up for her crimes that, by any standard, were crimes, yes. But not guilt.

Now, it's written all over her.

She looks at Clint, face starting to crumple even as she crawls back to where he is, taking his hand as she curls into him.

He can't fix it. But, well.

Hugs go a long way.

[hasthehighground]

Hugs he can do.

Clint wraps his other arm around her, bent at the elbow so his forearm lays up along her spine, keeping her close.

His breathing is quiet, and purposefully steady.

[redintheledger]

Her breathing is stuttered, shaking, missing beats and then catching up by being too rapid.

Eventually, though, it evens out in time to his, and she shifts her head against his shoulder.

"Think I win the 'who has the craziest ex' pool at HQ yet?" She asks, voice rougher than normal. It's a joke.

Kinda.

[hasthehighground]

"You're definitely in the running," Clint says, turning his head slightly to press a kiss into her hair. "Lynette from Acquisitions, though...."

It's hard to compete with a story that includes tesla coils.

[redintheledger]

Natasha's laugh is a faint thing, but it's a step up from her almost-sobs of before.

"Point."

[hasthehighground]

He breathes a quiet laugh into her hair.

Somewhere downstairs, the Winter Soldier is going about his business.

Outside the door, there's a world always two steps away from disaster.

But they can stay here as long as they need to.